Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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