dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
