Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
