remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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