maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
