I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
