Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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