those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
