Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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