Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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