I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize