if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
