Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
