dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
