Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just gift wrapped bread.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
