you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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