So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize