I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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