Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize