did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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