The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
