smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
