im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
