I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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