It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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