i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
