Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
