I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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