Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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