remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
