I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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