The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
