Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize