dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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