He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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