Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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