I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
