Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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