Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
