I'm eating all of the evidence.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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