The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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