i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
