And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
