and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
