Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
