omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
