I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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