she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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