He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
