Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
