My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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