why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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