More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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