he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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