I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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