Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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