Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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