Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
