You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
