i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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