I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
