Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
