Where is the hickey?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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