I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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