did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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