I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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