i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
