I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
