i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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