so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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