Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
