I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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