you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
