I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
