New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
